Welcome to KindaGamey

So I bought a website. I felt that the world didn’t have enough people talking shit about things they knew nothing about so I felt I had to chime in. I actually bought this site ages ago and never got around to doing anything with it. (Except pay for it, which I did pretty well. I also used it as a host for strange images which you are welcome to peruse if you wish.)

Like most obsessive-compulsive gamers I live most of my life in a fantasy world. Though it is an illusion, it lets me feel like I have some semblance of control over my own destiny. The nature of my brain is such that it has a tremendous ability to draw together unrelated ideas and make poop jokes about them. My creativity fountain spews forth a never-ending geyser of game ideas, comedy bits, story ideas, and insightful reflections on the world around us. Sadly, my motivational aperture is more of a sputtering sprinkler head than a fountain. It usually doesn’t finish watering the first idea before it is on to the next. This website is another continuation in a long line of unfulfilled fantasies and the strewn corpses of great ideas.

So, what is the objective here?

* Firstly, I must blog. My memory is so horrible that if I do not document my existence then it is usually lost forever. Also, if I don’t engage in clever wordplay elsewhere then my poor girlfriend gets the brunt of it and that isn’t fair to her.

*Secondly, I want a place where I can review games, discuss games, and keep people informed as to the latest in video game news. Wait, wait, wait! Aren’t there already about a hundred sites that do that and do it better than you? Why certainly there are, I reply, but they tell you EVERYTHING about games, whereas I’m going to read all their bullshit and only tell you the stuff worth telling. See how I’m doing all the work for you? It’s a masterful filtering system. They exist in the urban sprawl of video game fame, fortune and politics, whilst I exist in the outlying colony gutter, catching the edible refuse that floats outward via the sewage lines we call the internets. Do you really want to know about Mr. Pajamas’ Wild Ride for the DS and Wii? I sure don’t so I surely won’t waste your time telling you about it.

* Thirdly, I want a place where I can post Flash games and experiments that I create. It wouldn’t have to be a large place because I’m so busy playing games I barely have the time to get off my fat ass and create them anymore. Plus, in order for Adobe Flash to force companies to hire both a designer and programmer (rather than one metahuman capable of both), they created the abomination that is Actionscript 3; hereby known as AS3. Many people absolutely love it and one day I may too, but I grew up learning BASIC and Object Oriented Programing (yo’, you down with OOP?) takes my brain and turns it inside out like a beached jellyfish. Maybe I’m too old to learn new things? Well, hopefully if anyone discovers this blog I will find the strength and the determination to create new flash works once again, because just doing it for myself doesn’t motivate me at all. I need an audience. And I will document the learning process as slow and cumbersome as that may be.

* Fourthly, I want to meet other Flash programmers and designers and 3D sculptors and people that can help me turn some of these ideas into gold. Programming these things myself is my only option right now because no one else gives a crap about my ideas but me. Once I’m internet-famous and have my own entourage then I just have to come up with the goods and hire volunteer you guys to do all the programming work.

Editor’s Note: It recently took me four hours to make a clickable piece of text with AS3. It may take you 4 seconds. I took an aptitude test once that told me I did NOT rank highly as a programmer. This was very upsetting to me because I love programming and think I’m pretty good at it sometimes. The lady said that because of my aptitudes, or lack of them in that area, programming just wouldn’t come natural to me and I’d have to work twice as hard as someone who had a natural inclination. This has turned out sadly to be true and almost inspired me to give up programming altogether. Luckily, I have a rabid anti-authoritarian streak. One idea I did have was to just one-by-one give all my game ideas away in this blog as they obviously weren’t doing me any good. Stay tuned, I still may do that yet.

* Fifthly, I want to post more videos. Before I do that I have to buy a computer that won’t groan when I ask it to edit a large file. I’ll need one by September anyway because that’s when SPORE comes out. Mmmm… spore.

* And finally, I want to make a game so kick ass and engaging that this website will cease to be some crappy blog and instead will host this amazing creative masterpiece so I can charge people for it until some large corporation asks me to sell out so they can bludgeon it into gruel with copious amounts of advertising. Or, I’ll write an engaging book about my kick ass game idea so engaging that people will be tripping over themselves to steal it and create the game and as the book will be called KindaGamey they’d have to pay me a load of green just for the website URL. Or something.

Let’s just see what happens.

Welcome to my site. Sorry I’m so wordy. Won’t happen again.

Much.