KindaGamey

You know what I hate? Self-promotion. It makes me nauseous.

I hate self-importance (though without it, you can’t have it justified.) I don’t want to be one of those people that goes, “Oh, well have you seen my blog? You gotta check out my blog! Oh, bloggety blog. Bloggety bloggety blog!” (And yet I think I’ve done that on the rare occasion? Well, I’ve at least made reference to things I’ve posted about. And I’ve got my .com address on my gamertag and stuff – I hate it when other people do that, but how else are people supposed to find you? I hate it when people pimp their books as well. When I write one I’ll be sure not to tell anybody.)

Nor do I want to go on about my “online business” or any of that nonsense. I watched a live feed of a guy playing GTAIV and he kept going on about people Favoriting his channel as if that was going to jumpstart their little game review operation to stardom. The bloggers do it, the people that record themselves on youtube, the start-ups and spammers. Everyone is trying to grab that little piece of fame and divert the world’s attention, like the giant red eye of Sauron, and it just turns me off to the point where I’d rather be an observer than a participant. One of the great memes of conspiracydom is that the government writes our names in all caps because we are all considered to be individual corporate entities. Funny then, how we so readily mimic the larger corporations without prompting.

I guess as we get older we get more cynical. The more dreams that have slipped through our fingers the more we doubt we can hold them.

Then again, I would never deny that selling out and self-promotion works – its just that unfortunately, it sucks. And so does advertising. Therefore, I will always be cool but never have any money. Works for me.

I started this thing just so I could write some ideas down because they kept falling on the ground and decomposing away. I guess I hoped some internet archaeologist would one day be picking through the 0s and 1s and come across something interesting I’d said. Unfortunately, I have completely invested in my right brain so much so that I cannot utilize my left brain as a translator. I need to be able to focus and create sentences and logical paragraph structure enough to convey what the hell it is I’m thinking — or to be able to hold on to one thought long enough to harvest the fruit. If I’m going to listen to my own observations about balance I’m going to need to start getting more structure in my life. I’ve already talked to my buddy about getting back into doing more flash work. We’ll see how that goes.

New Cellphone Pics:

I’m going to the midnight release of GTA IV tonight (so strike what I said before about being cool). I’ll be meeting my peeps online as soon as the bird is in-hand. L is already prepared for the destruction of our relationship as I indulge my childish fantasies for two days straight. She and I are 1 years old, btw.

I’ve got my new computer and it is a beast. Still haven’t recovered my old data or installed my new video editing suite yet, but it will all be put on hold for GTA. I’m actually getting this sickly feeling as if I have put way too many hopes and dreams in my GTA IV basket and I fear that this game will temporarily wash over me and give me contentment, and enjoyment, and be as awesome as I think it will be, but that I’m kind of saying goodbye to an era here. I’ll have nothing more I’m really looking forward to in the near future and instead will have to look forward to what I can create myself.

Free background music: SomaFM – Space Station Soma

I realize I never actually told you the The Biggest Idea I Ever Had.

Actually, it is quite difficult for me to put it all into words without coming off like a complete nutcase and I hardly know where to begin. I had a pretty good flowery intro written in one of my graph paper notebooks, but that notebook has gone walkabout and I have no idea where it is. No worries, that notebook has gone missing before and it came back to me when it was ready.

Since The Idea I have felt less and less like a participant in life and more and more like an observer. I already suffered from bouts of ethereal disassociation with third dimensional reality (undoubtedly fueled by my daily intake of a natural serotonin regulator), but The Idea gave form and structure to that disassociated mass of sensation we call the consciousness stream and now, when I gaze off into nothingness and my mind is free to wander, it has a place of real substance to go and my right brain, before left back on earth to wait until my return, can now traverse the field of mind with me, translating the topography of the landscape into consciousness as we go.

I’ll start with the very first thought. The original thought perhaps. The universe began or always was a pure expanse of consciousness.

That is the key: that consciousness is the precursor to the material universe,
not the other way around.

But nothing exists on its own. If everything is homogeneous then you’d have as much success witnessing a black pool in a pool of black. Without sadness you cannot know happiness, without dark you cannot know light; without contrast nothing can exist.

Knowing this, we can deduce the first thought of consciousness (one) upon its awakening.
The thought was: Two

“I’ll tell you what I’d do with a million dollars, man. Two chicks at the same time, man.”
“…..That’s it?”
- Office Space

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First, if you are getting GTA IV, don’t forget to sign up for the Rockstar Social Club. You’ll be able to view an overhead map of Liberty City to see the locations of crimes occurring in everyone’s single player games, you’ll be able to track what your friend’s favorite in-game food is (hot dog!), and all sorts of other statistics. Should be a hoot.

Something else game related: It turns out that games don’t make kids violent, it turns out that non-gamers are the violent ones (including the Va Tech kid. Video games were blamed in that case, but he only played Sonic the Hedgehog as a kid. His roommates were actually surprised that he didn’t play games with them.) Another example of the commonly held belief by ‘experts‘ being completely contrary to reality — what a surprise. The book is Grand Theft Childhood.

Oh, and weed makes rats ignore the bullshit that has been drilled into their heads. No wonder our government has made it illegal: “Research published earlier this year in the journal Psychopharmacology found that the administration of THC and the cannabinoid cannabidiol (CBD) made rats forget prior conditioning.”

Ancient Mega Machines

Food for thought. I think our ancient bretheren were actually even more advanced than this documentary purports (i.e. electrolysis, electricity, hot air balloons, welding, etc.) but this is a pretty good start to better understand our past. We have somehow devolved over time. The fabled Atlantean Age may have just been one high point in a series of human renaissances and collapses. It is my belief that the sphinx and 3 Giza pyramids were found by the Egyptians — not built by them. (There is only one graffito that claims that Khufu made the great pyramid and it’s planted bullshit by the dude that found it. And he wrote it wrong.) They still had some incredible residual technology from their predecessors however. It would be nearly impossible to create some of the giant monuments and obelisks of ancient Egypt with modern day technology and yet according to hieroglyphs they could create an obelisk and erect it in less than two weeks. How?

(I just listened to an interview on Red Ice Creations where a fellow from Nexus Magazine claims that the Egyptians may have used a liquid derived from a plant that can actually soften rock. Or Brown’s Gas. Or Ultrasonic Drilling.)

Part 1

Part 2

(Interested? Click More for More)
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I try not to delve into politics too much here, but the so-called “debate” I watched last night was in such stark contrast to this speech that Tim Robbins gave at the National Association of Broadcasters that I have to post it here.

ABC you should be ashamed of yourselves. It took you 60 minutes to even get to a question about Iraq. People are losing their homes and you are asking about personal acquaintances. You wanted to spend all of your time on salacious personal attacks and putting the two candidates in the hotseat for our amusement. And why, because you believe that’s what the people want? Because it sells? Because in your opinion the media needs to make candidates dance so that we can better evaluate how they act under pressure? You claim that ‘the republicans’ are going to slam the democrats with these attacks, so we better start now — but they can only do that because you let them get away with it. Because you participate in it, encourage it, and then roll around in it like pig swill. You then have the audacity to try to come across as clean, objective analysts above the fray. Bullshit. You have sold your souls and that of this nation along with it.

Tim Robbins’ Controversial NAB Speech – April 14, 2008

In all seriousness folks let’s face it we are at an abyss
as an industry and as a country
and I know that saying we are at an abyss isn’t the stuff of keynote addresses
but all sarcasm and irony and rude pithiness aside,
we are at a critical juncture in this nation’s history
This is a nation divided and reeling from betrayal and economic hardship
and you, the broadcasters of this great nation have a tremendous power
and a tremendous potential to affect change
You have the power to turn this country away from cynicism
You have the power to turn this country away from the hatred and the divisive dialogue that has rendered such a corrosive effect on our body politic
You can lift us up into a more enlightened age or
you can hide behind that old adage ‘I’m just a business man … I provide what the audience wants.
Well I’m here to tell you that we don’t need to look at the car crash
we don’t need to live off the pain and the humiliation of the unfortunate
we don’t need to celebrate our pornographic obsession with celebrity culture
We are better than that [applause]
Some of you are trying … some of you are inspiring people [laughter] towards altrusim and compassion with your programming
Some of you are trying to lift the civic dialog into a more responsible and adult arena
But I know you do so at the odds of ratings and job security
It is really up to the leaders in this room …
it is up to you — the scions of this industry, to leave behind forumulas and focus groups and your own fears of job security … only with your courage and your vision can we begin to imagine a world of broadcasting where the general consensus of those with real power say ‘enough is enough’
Now is the time to move away from our lesser selves
Now is the time to stop making money on the misfortunes of others and the purient and salacious desires of the public
Now is the time to admit and recognize that we aren’t just businessmen, but the guardians of the human spirit with a responsibility to the health of this nation.
That we can lift this country up with our programming.
That instead of catering to the gossips, and the scolds, and the voyeurs,
we can appeal to the better nature in our audience — the better nature of what this country is all about.
This is a country filled with people of great compassion and tremendous generosity.
This is a country that has survived dust bowls, and depressions, that united to defeat Hitler and fascism and communism.
we are resilient people and a tenacious people … and we are ready for change.
And we are ready to imagine a new broadcasting industry aesthetic, that respecting the better nature of the American people that produces shows that promote strength instead of fear. That does not divide, but inspires. That does not promote hate, but unity. That will not tear the weak down, but build up their strength.
Imagine a world of broadcasting where the American people are encouraged to reject despair and distrust.
And when they turn their TV’s and radio’s off at night and go to sleep, they possess strength and unity and compassion for those they disagree with.
That’s not out of the question … You can make that happen.
It will be difficult … and will fly in the face of conventional wisdom and standard operational procedure.
Do we have any choice? The road we are on is leading us to a corruption to our former selves. We are better than that. You can help us reclaim our better nature. Our perfect union. It isn’t necessarily a matter of country before profit. Or of patriotism and truth before personal comfort. There could be money to be made in appealing to our better selves. [murmur and laughter]
Wouldn’t that be great.
And if there isn’t and we came out of it a little less rich but more unified and healthier as a nation, wouldn’t that be something we could all be proud of.
Thank you.

- Tim Robbins

Click more for Apes!
Not just apes — Aquatic Apes! Ask yourself why humans lost their fur and have a layer of fat?

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