KindaGamey

(Disclaimer: I wrote this piece in a kind of fevered two-day un-sober trance back in March, 2010. Afterward, when I came to my senses, I thought it best that I clean it up a bit before publishing. I thought I would try and make some grammatical edits and achieve a semblance of order. The problem is, if I did that for everything I wrote, I’d never publish anything. Not only does it take personal courage to post something crazy like this (and “aw fuck it” *hit publish button* is a more readily available courage than the kind that one broods over,) but to compound that with the job of re-editing something that was meant to be flowing and crazy into a logical sequence is just too much. I guess that’s why writers have editors. I, however, do not. I’m not even sure if I believe these ideas anymore. My beliefs are changing so fast I can barely keep up with them. So why would I publish it then? Firstly, to be honest. I want to be honest about where my beliefs have come and gone from. And secondly, because it might help someone else solidify (or particulate) their own beliefs, even if those beliefs just consist of, “man, that guy is totally batshit.” So, prepare to wrinkle your brow at my convoluted logic, sneer at my internal contradictions, sit back and enjoy for laugh, sport, or pseudo-intellectual shits and giggles, the rantings of a crazy man on a very un-sober weekend in March. I love you. – KindaGamey)

Full PDF Here (right-click, save as)

No matter your strength, your intellectual capacity, or even your laziness (it might help actually), if you have the valor to be honest in the face of lies, even if it puts you at a personal disadvantage, then you can be one of a network of lighthouses that will guide humanity through seas of misrepresentation about the human condition. Transparency and awareness as a species will allow the collective conscience to vigilantly police our own and other’s natural desires to take advantage of situations for personal gain. Being honest as fuck can hold us accountable behaviorally. We can make manifest the guilt deterrent which is currently only served by private reflections with all too forgiving gods and consciences.

The world’s inhabitants lie to me daily and since I can’t change them, the greatest anti-authoritarian act of protest I can do is be as honest as fuck about EVERYTHING in my slice of reality. I will be honest about who I am, I will be honest with my doctor about how I really live my life, I will be honest to myself and others about what flaws I have, insecurities I have, how much money I make, what my bills are, what things I don’t really know about (“and would you mind explaining that to me?”), what medical conditions I have (“and oh you have that too? what do you do for that?”), sexual proclivities or porn sites I visit if you ask I guess, what bands I don’t know about, what sports I don’t care about, why I don’t like myself sometimes, why I don’t like you sometimes, feelings that are personal and deep and meaningful, what things make me sad or happy, what belief systems I lean towards, and how much political empathy I hold.

I will cast off any unfounded expectation that is placed on me. If I do hold an opinion about something, I will consider it a work-in-progress and not an eternal absolute. I won’t push out anyone else’s idea as stupid or uninformed without evaluating it first, because if I’m not evaluating the full range of human experience then how can I know what is the best way to be? If I might change my mind in the future, as I have done so many times in my past, then I will think it foolish to grip so tightly to a static opinion now.

Politicians, commercials, corporations, the media, lawyers, fine print; the truth is an anathema to our current paradigm. Crimes can only flourish in shadows, and lies and omissions of truth create deafening shadows. If we want the moral high-ground to call out those systems as major polluters into the lake of truth, well, we have to admit that we also contribute to the overall lying problem. We lie about who we really are on the inside and that causes us suffering. In order to hold up a fake version of you you have to tense a lot of facial muscles, cover up all those flaws, create the lie, suffer the karma of telling it, and remember and recall it all later, skillfully injecting it into the truth – that’s a lot of work! When we try to be something we’re not, when we don’t ask someone a question because we don’t want to seem stupid, when we hesitate because we fear, then we suppress the breadth of our own evolution. We aren’t giving ourselves the full range of experiential knowledge and therefore don’t have all the pieces of the puzzle. We can’t make the most informed behavioral decisions without truth.

We can be brave and face ourselves as we are and share that with each other, in real life and online, no frills, no obfuscation. My work persona, internet persona, and home persona can merge as one being with one center. That way, you may gain from the true knowledge of my human experience and our combined experiences will give us a fuller picture of the real world and what it means to be human. We can then shape the future together, better informed than we had been alone with our smaller truths.

I will try not to be rude and purposefully hurt someone’s feelings, but by acclimating people to honesty I hope to one day live in a world where we are not so fragile and the truth will be so evident we would welcome it when we hear it. “Does my ass look fat in this dress?” will be an honest inquiry and not a rhetorical trap. Then again, that question wouldn’t have relevance in a world where people didn’t try to be something they weren’t.

I will try not to blurt out inappropriate truths just to make other people uncomfortable and brandish my truths like an insensitive oaf, but if I feel that a moment would benefit from an honest disclosure then I will give to that moment without hesitation or fear of the consequences. I will tell you if I think you’ve done something wrong, but I will just as quickly compliment you if you deserve it. I won’t give a thought to whether either could be taken the wrong way by you (because I’m honest as fuck and if I sense that you are recoiling I will bring that up and if you are honest about recoiling then we can converse and I can then dissuade you of that notion.) If I sense a change in your demeanor or facial expression then I will bring it up and we can lay it on the table. Perhaps I was mistaken or misinterpreted your actions; how else would I know if I don’t ask? How can we come to an emotional equilibrium if we keep the majority of our cards hidden?

I can respect privacy, but if I feel that sacrificing some of my own for the common good will help someone else then I will do so. I will be honest to a fault and I may feel embarrassment from time to time, but I know that when people see that someone is embarrassed, they realize that the person is less capable of lying and therefore trustworthy. By being willing to be embarrassed in the quest for greater truth or by denigrating myself through admissions of faults, I know that I might be making other people feel more at ease. It also reminds me that I am *aware* of the things I need to change and just by being aware of them, and facing them with honesty, I will be more likely to gravitate towards a better me.

If your behavior isn’t appreciated, then that can be rectified by yourself or others. But if your honesty isn’t appreciated it is because the person judging you cannot imagine how your perspective exists. They emotionally call, “go fish,” because they cannot find a relation in their card deck of experiences. This soul-blindness is only possible through lack of exposure to the full range of human experience or through willful callousness in order to preserve a belief system. We have the choice of transitioning peacefully or fighting the inevitable. The growing global communication and transportation networks are forcing the rough hewn stones of personality into a tumbler. Honesty is the grit that will expose and tear down our sharp edges. The result will be a smooth, polished, collection of transparent glass beads that can slip by one another without friction or obfuscation. Contrary to fears of a future where our individuality is suppressed, transparency and acceptance can give us the bounds within which we can infinitely explore different states of being without infringing upon one another.

If you experience harsh judgment from a relationship prospect who doesn’t accept you as you are, then there is no need to fight it because you’re assuredly better off without them. You’re better off without the crash landing you would have experienced when both of your sets of expectations met reality.

People that aren’t very forgiving are often the same way with themselves. Feel compassion for the pain that must cause them.

If you don’t get hired due to your honesty then it wasn’t someone that would be healthy for your true self to work for in the first place. If you don’t get selected out of a group of less-than-honest candidates, then so be it; the selecting party could not suss out truth from deception or didn’t value your truth. That isn’t a fault of yours.

If anyone ever asks you to lie under threat of future consequences and you reject that proposal, then so be it. You kept your honor, you preserved the only broker of a healthy society, and the consequences, even if they result in harm, were not done by you no matter what you are told. It’s not your fault. Never negotiate with terrorists. If you lie to save someone from an oppressor you are allowing the oppressor to frame reality instead of the truth. Awareness of self and transparency are the only ways we will ever become whole people, complete and accepting, able to trust one another, willing to forgive transgressions and mistakes, past, present and future; even our own.

No one can blackmail you if your skeletons are unveiled before they ever get the chance. Manage behaviors accordingly, knowing that were you to act in a way that would make you ashamed later you’d have to force yourself to admit it and thereby we suffer. Honesty (as close to objective awareness as possible through an overlay of the spectrum of all subjective perspectives) is the goal that preempts all others; the open invitation to the emergent solutions for the most balance in the moment. Honesty is the root of all good in this world. Money isn’t the root of all evil – money creates obscurity which permits all evil.

If we do not fight vigorously for truth by turning away from the lie, enough that we would sacrifice ourselves as collateral for a greater cause (not by fighting or committing violence, only by removing one’s self as much as possible from supporting systems that oppress you through lies) then we will never rise above the problems we face both internally and externally. Truth can establish common experience which we can then use to explore new ideas and exercise within a wider space for human creativity than we have ever known before. The commonalities of our true natures will be the axis around which we revolve and evolve.

Until that day happens, I will do what I can in the NOW. I will support sunshine laws that reveal more and more truths to the public. I will support expansion of the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA). I will support campaign finance laws that disclose everything there is to know about who is buying my politician of choice. If the media cannot tell the truth I will find and support a media that is honest as fuck, and if there isn’t one I will find a way to make my own. I will support the release of UFO files, national security briefings, the audit of the Federal Reserve. No matter my opinion of the subjects, anything which brings more light to the table will lead to a better world. The security of nations can be found in their honesty and openness, not deceit. Lies are immediate damage to the genetic code of our future, but a lack of “security” is only the potentiality of damage.

Once anything is exposed to the light of awareness, the solution to that problem takes care of itself through our collective response. We need more lighthouses to be able to properly course our own future. I will support anything which provides more information, more light, more truth, to the public and the world. I am willing to show the government what’s in my privacy, but I will demand that they show me what’s in theirs.

I declare who I am, what I am, why I am; I will make no excuses and I will be honest as fuck. If the consensus is that admitting your faults publicly is a weakness then I will defy that view and exalt it as courage. I will speak my ills and truths like it is the most natural thing in the world to do, simply because it should be. I will seek out other people who are honest as fuck, people who will grant me the same mature honor and courtesy as fellow human beings starved from the full potential of love and acceptance through a persistent application of fear of rejection by their fellow humans. I will grow the network of honest fucks like a cancer that no one can excise or insult without revealing themselves to be in defense of fear, lies, and untruths. I will be the most natural me I can be in defiance of a cynical world that hides its true nature.

I am only a single pillar of the world, but I will strive to be what I want for humanity’s future. Can you see any positive future for humanity other than one bathed in truth? I can’t.

exercise is self-induced suffering to become stronger.
honesty is self-induced suffering to become better.

Full pdf: HERE

F.A.Q. preview below
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“The Tower” — “The House of God”
Tarot de Marseille (the oldest known tarot) restored by Camoin and Jodorowsky

Reiki

(* audio from: here)

Sorry kids. I’m suffering from blog shyness and haven’t posted consistently. All I seem to be able to do is post pictures right now instead of write. Do forgive! (myself, yourself, and anyone else you can. karma is too sticky. let it go.)

Have you noticed the moon clock and calendar I bought you? Hope that helps. On the full moon we cross woods and tracks and dams to go to this magical island of stone on the James River. We meet these folks who have been going there on the full moon for the last 20 years. There is a man there who has a female name (like me) who is also a searcher. He broadcasts an energetic force that resonates at a very similar frequency to my own. We all build a fire, cook, drink, smoke, talk spiritual matters and bullshit. It’s a great time. I thought the calendar would help me keep track of when the moon is rising to meet me so I can better prepare for the journey.

Speaking of clocks, I met this fascinating, very intelligent dude on Afton mountain named Yale Landsberg (no, really) who is also a seeker, only he scours the realm of math. It’s funny, I had met him the last time I went to Afton mountain and saw his little booth where he wasn’t actually selling anything, but I think I only discussed the nature of how horrible the Gregorian Calendar is at that time. This time we talked of so many things, so rapidly, I can’t remember them all. He told me he had visualized a clock in his head once. He said visualization was not something he was very good at so he found it rather astounding. It was a clock that let him see the position of the sun as well as the traditional time. Five weeks later when he suffered a heart attack and was stuck in the ICU, he wished he had built one because he could tell that his body suffered from not feeling the position of the sun. I have worked for years in what I call a “mole hole” (basement with no windows) so I could totally relate. There are so many people suffering like this! I saw Morgan Spurlock’s 30 Days where he worked in a WVA coal mine. I recently met a secretary who called her 20th floor no-windowed office a “sky basement.” (I was there paying a $617 property tax bill to a collection agency for Richmond city because they had an old address for me and didn’t bother to call DMV! To add insult (and in-salt) to injury they gave me a parking ticket for being 5 cents short on the parking meter. I paid 30 cents on the meter and missed it by that ” ” much. Asshats.)

This is his Synclecron clock:
(I guess he loves naming things with strange labels. He also has a love of words and does like to play with them.)

• Click on the III to change daylight savings.
• Click on the II to change your location.
• Click on the I to see it simulate through time.

Here’s a link to see it full screen: http://gtyme.org/Sync8.swf
I’ve got to say, it is rather soothing. He and a friend are working on an iPhone app as well.

I may add it to my page if I can get the code right, but I think whoever programmed it didn’t make it so it saves your preferences and that’s a pain in the ass. I’m going to either work with Yale to make a new version or find someone else who can.

He didn’t just present me with a clock. He handed me a mystery. I’ve been obsessed with circles for so long… trying to think of a simulation I can build that can represent the fundamental energetic law of exchanges between people on a mental, physical, and emotional level… using circles. I had drawn many x and y charts in notebooks and even tapped the iChing to see if it had any answers for me. When I saw the strange brochure on his table I had to know what it was! What did it mean?!? (Believe it or not, I’m still struggling with that question. I’ve devoted a lot of time to trying to find out too.)

(click to embiggen.)

If he allows me to I will post a copy of our email conversations so you can join me in trying to solve this riddle. They’re so amazing. In one of the emails I suddenly got really angry and accused him of being a dirty skeptic who was trying to pull a fast one on believers. Here I was, an ex-skeptic myself, actually rising in righteous anger in defense of the spiritual! So bizarre. My ex-wife would kick my ass if she bothered to see me now. She always said if I became religious I would be the worst, most dogmatic person in the world. Haha! She used to tell me that she didn’t like it when I got too passionate in any direction… liberal, paranormal, whatever my obsession of the moment was. She suggested I should try and stay more even keeled. Those days were my B.E. days: Before Eckhart. A.E. days are much more even keeled. In fact, it was Eckhart that finally got me to leap the hurdle of my own personal embarrassment and actually grasp onto the spiritual nature of things; at first tentatively, intellectually, and steadily more and more… with my heart. Does that seem silly? That one would deny a spiritual component to the universe because they were embarrassed that it might not be true, or that it could be proven to be wrong, or that I would take up a position that had no defense, or that I would be standing on weak argumentative grounds with nothing to hold onto, or that I would be in the same category as the crazy right-wing nutjob Jesus freaks? How interesting that embarrassment had such a hold on me that it could curb my belief systems. And yet now that I’m here and not there, I feel like I’m on more stable intellectual ground than ever. And unlike before, I don’t feel the need to push my worldview on anyone else because I am content and calm. It will come in time for every person. Maybe not in this lifetime. There is a process by which it gently invades and conquers the hardest of hearts like roots boring through rock. Quite amazing.

Anyway, I’ve got to go out soon, so onto the photos!

Date range: 6.5.2010 – 6.14.2010.
158 cellphone pictures.

The sequence of events go like this:

1. Messing about with Whitley Strieber’s The Path, a book about finding yourself and the Tarot de Marseille (the oldest known tarot) restored by Camoin and Jodorowsky. I laid it out on the living room carpet. Similar to my friend Yale Landsberg’s experience, Whitley claims that his arrangement of the Tarot came to him in a similar way ~ a sudden, vivid vision out of the blue.
2. Going to see Camera Obscura and The Love Language at The National. (Obscura was the headliner, but I actually liked The Love Language a little bit better. Saw a girl with a Camera Obscura shirt in the Strawberry Street Market yesterday.)
3. My parents converted my work office into a dance studio and put down padded wood floors. Weird as always. At least it’s clean now. And we have more feminine presences, because us boys are too messy.
4. Dolores Cannon’s Convoluted Universe series! I’m obsessed! I want to write a big post about it, but eh. Having trouble. I posted this post on the Unknown Country board if you want to read that. My basic rundown of who she is and what it’s all aboot.
5. Made some runes that are supposedly more ancient than the Nordic Runes discovered by Odin when he hung from Yggdrasil, the World Tree. They are in this book called The Primal Runes, but I think that dude said they came to him in a vision too now that I think about it. Everyone is getting visions but me! Anyway, had some fun with this. He fails to tell you way too much shit in the book and it is hard to flip to all the pages because he didn’t put page numbers by the symbols and organize it well. I had to backtrack (use the pronunciation guide) to figure out which were water, earth, air, fire because he didn’t explicitly say. He also made a bunch of errors in the book and I had to figure those out too. Anyway, have done some neat readings so far. Mia was impressed with hers. A skeptic might say, “Well those readings are just made to apply to any situation and blah blah blah, astrology, and blah,” and I would reply, “but if the real-world result is that the random application of guidelines helps me make better decisions and be more confident about those decisions, then who the fuck cares if it is scientifically, provably real divination or not?” Man, speaking of scientifically real, here’s an argument I had on facebook about scientists. Enjoy. Here’s another one: I guess you have to click previous to get to the beginning. See? No embarrassment. I can make an ass out of myself all over the internet with no remorse. Frikkin’ scientific material realists! You guys have shit up the world and then claim your way of thinking is the way to solve your fuckups. Not saying the religious nutties are any better. Hell, I love you all. Read some Eckhart. Or youtube him if you can’t sit still long enough to read.
6. Went to see Mason Jennings at The Botanical Gardens Rockin’ in the Lawn. Wait, Rockin’ in the Green? Shit, I forgot what we were Rockin, but it was a really nice, small venue and such nice scenery. I hope Mason enjoyed Richmond, VA. Be here now.
7. Umm… the latest trip to Afton Mountain. Me, Mia, and Brittany went to the Center of the One Heart Synchronicity Homecoming at Swannanoa. (As Brian says, “So many names for things! What is this, a Russian novel?!?”)
8. I really wanted to go to the Crystal Bowl concert at 7 PM. (I had played with some crystal bowls in Des Moines, Iowa at the Ancient Ways store and LOVED them. You could feel it reverberate in your heart and head from across the room! That was the store where I found my first Dolores Cannon book, The Custodians.) Well, it was a bit too late and we were all tired so we decided to skip it and head home. However, we found an ice cream stand next to a funeral home and had to stop. After the ice cream it was like, 6:30 PM and I suggested maybe we could head back up the mountain and hear the crystal bowl concert? I’m so glad we did. It was pretty awesome.
9. Been playing a lot of a Western game called Red Dead Redemption. Even been playing it online. Chris Munton and I were shooting bears out in the wilds. Pretty crazy. The game has really made me think a lot about technology and industrialization. Pretty cool.

Ok, pictures…

p.s. From my @KindaGamey twatter feed:

• like documentaries? we live in public http://bit.ly/fzePW abel raises cain http://bit.ly/1OdIbg what would jesus buy? http://bit.ly/6qhmu
• Run from the Cure! Cannabis Oil Cures Cancer. Another verification. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mA_hpfcTpmQ
• <3 Crazy Kobe Bryant Fan http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNBsg43cdTc Double Rainbow Guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGqtxdKjqbI <3

^ (the crazy kobe bryant fan is actually comedian JEREMY ROWLEY. It’s staged, but BRILLIANT. He’s a puffer, too.)

Oh, and check this crop circle. That’s like my KindaGamey cube symbol! I’ll post the other one too.

Ha! I said I couldn’t post and now I can’t shut up. Typical.

Pictures Ahoy!
Click read more for the gallery.

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Crop Circle Connector – June 2010

>> This post was supposed to be a continuation of this one. It was never finished and never will be finished. It has sat in my drafts folder since I sloppily drafted it in September 22, 2009. I don’t need a grand unified theory (GUT) anymore. What I needed was a cohesive storyline. Thanks to Dolores Cannon’s books I have one now. More on that soon. Publishing this only because I didn’t have the heart to throw it away. – KG, June 14, 2010

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there are too many laws, when all you have to do is hold on to the center. – Tao Te Ching

So after the California adventure I came back to Richmond for one week to catch up on work, play disc golf, go to a psychic named Susan Hughes at the Aquarian Bookstore, and get ready for the Iowa trip to see my sister and the Dalai Lama.

These pictures are the result. I also have a cute backlog of pictures that other people sent me which I will include. Too many pictures of my cat, you say? How dare you! Her cuteness must be documented so humankind will always remember the pinnacle of catdom and what we should all strive for in spirit. (Although we should also strive not to nag so much about soft cat food nor any other form or idea.)

Picture from 5.8.2010 – 5.16.2010

Here’s some highlights and interesting (?) stuff:

• Ashton and I broke our fingernails on the same day. She broke hers playing disc golf. (That’s the nail in my disc golf disc. I buried it to return it to the Earf.) Mine happened on the way home; I pulled out of a parking spot and gnashed my thumb on the steering wheel because my wheels were turned in too far and it surprised me.

• The previous week I was on the train to San Diego and reading The Courage to Create by Rollo May. Besides the part about Prometheus, I read one part about the Oracle at Delphi and her prediction regarding the fate of the Greek city-states in the coming Battle of Salamis against massive fleets from an all-powerful Persian asshole that wanted to conquer the world who was named Darius. The Oracle’s suggestion was to trust in their “wooden walls”, which someone said, “do you think she means boats?” and they all hopped in boats and the big fleets were trapped in the tiny straights and they actually survived.
• So I’m in a local coffeehaus called Lamplighters and they have a “Steal a Book, Leave a Book” section and I pick up one of the few interesting looking books, “The Greek Way” and open it up and there on that page it talks about the Oracle at Delphi and the “Wooden Walls”. Awesome! I keep reading and it starts talking about Athens and the first experiment with Democracy. For a while Democracy was bigger than the concept that we have today — and it worked! It focused on intellectual pursuits and compassion and teaching and learning and creativity and the arts. It gave lawmaking power to the people. (Although, it should be noted that it relied heavily on slavery to have all this extra time to philosophize and get nekkid. Hat tip to Thomas Jefferson and Monticello, with his holding the “Wolf by the Ears” in lament of the weakness of will when faced with self-sacrifice.) It sounded like a stronger representation from the people than we have now even though there was a ruler in name, but he kinda stepped aside and gave the power to the people. A power-hungry dude later snapped it up, but he held onto some aspects of Democracy because I think it’s kind of tough to take it away once people have tasted it. (Not unless you scare em real good.)

• Useless Sidenote: Philosopher kings, baby! Let he who has the most selfless and altruistic motives rise to carry the most reigns; don’t utilize a methodology which guarantees the most self-serving. It’s ridiculonk. Otherwise, divvy up power to such a widespread demographic (e.g. everyone) that no one person will be put in a position where they may be urged to compromise their morality or utilize the fulcrum of power in a way that does not most benefit the whole. If there are people that are only acting in their own self-interests, it can be hoped that either a) their votes will be drowned out by the majority of compassionate people who are thinking for the benefit of the whole and/or b) that the compassionate and whole-benefiting strategy actually is coincidentally the best way to serve one’s self in the long run. The only people that would have a problem with benefiting the whole are the people who actually require having MORE than anybody else. They are not satisfied with their own unless they can diminish yours. This is a hostile behavioral mindset and should be discouraged by a rational and compassionate society along with violence and other power grabs both mental and physical.
• Back to The Greek Way: It talks about how ALL power is a corrupting force (which is something I’ve been working on with the circles project and decentralized power structures.) It also talks about Sparta and their brainwashed military follower mindset, and it is so bizarre how time has circled back because America seems to be both the Athens Democracy ideal AND the Spartan military lust all wrapped up in one. Truly bizarre. Anyway, it discusses why the Democratic ideal fell which fascinated me. Basically, the age of REASON removed the moral, spiritually-interconnected backbone that held compassion in place. The need for profit overcame the need to be good. Fascinating. I tried to take a whole bunch of pictures of pages, but I was starting to look like a fool in the Lamplighter’s bad lighting (ha!) and it wasn’t working so I just stole the book. I think Mia gave them something the week after to replace it.
• Back to The Fingernail: Right after the Lamplighter and minutes before I busted my fingernail on the steering wheel, a cat jumped into the house I was visiting without my permission. I said hey there kitty what’s your name and looked at the gold tag. The cat’s name was Aphrodite. Aphrodite is the goddess of Love and associated with Venus and not only was I already swimming in Greek mythology/historiology the Mayan creation story post I have been working on talks about Venus as well. Synchrolicious!

• My buddy Jimmy messaged me right as I was taking a picture of this half-ripped shirt (that says Jimmy at the bottom, Jimmy’s Subs?) We found it on the disc golf course.

• This picture of me and my dad is so sad. It makes me want to cry and laugh my ass off at the same time. He was all bent over looking through a package and then stood up and I said, “Let’s take a picture!” and smiled and snapped. There it was. I couldn’t stop laughing. Poor man. He is so dear. Works his bawls off, he does.

• Oh, the psychic reading! It was by Susan Hughes who started The Baby Girl Project. She does past life regressions and is the only one on the Aquarian Bookstore psychic list that didn’t creep me out. Also, I’m totally obsessed with Dolores Cannon‘s books (I want to speed-read all of them, powder them and snort them straight into the brain like a mad book fiend!) and she does past life regressions too. I guess when you pay for the 15 minute you can’t get all that stuff. Anyhoo, right off the bat she’s all, “are you thinking about making a baby?” and we were thinking about babies (because the mayan calendar told me to do it on 8 Q’anil, a powerful day of creation. In fact, I think what sent me on the search for Q’anil was reading it in the Popol Vuh on google books. ANYWAY, I didn’t make baby on the special day because we had a friend over and it would have been rude. Perhaps I’ll try again in 8 Q’anil 2011.
• Anyway, we didn’t even talk about my cards. I must have talked too much. I took a picture of the cards so I could look them up later. She assured me I was on the right path. I sure hope so. I’m so not sure about my path I’m thinking about going to Peru to do ayahuasca with a shaman. So let’s look up my cards now:

First, what the hell does the layout mean. Celtic Cross maybe?

* thanks to http://www.learntarot.com/cards.htm, it’s my favorite for definitions, but sometimes your site poops out.

• (Left) Ten of Swords – Victim Mentality
• (Top) XIX The Sun – Becoming Enlightened
• (Under) King of Wands – Bold Creative Ideas
• (Next) Ace of Pentacles – Having a real world impact
• (Top) Queen of Cups – Loving, turning away wrath with love, open to the unconscious
• (3rd Row) Nine of Cups – Wish fulfillment, Satisfaction
• (4th, Top) Ten of Cups – Joy, peace, family
• (4th, 2nd) 0 The Fool – Faith and folly
• (4th, 3rd) Five of Wands (?) – Disagreement, struggle, competition
• (4th, 4th) III Empress – Mothering, abundances, senses, nature
• (Last, 1) Seven of Wands – Aggression, defiance, conviction
• (Last, 2) Two of Cups – Connection, truce, developing an attraction
• (Last, 3) XVI The Tower – Sudden change, revelation, burst of insight, or downfall/humbling

Pretty heavy stuff, huh? I can’t find any other layout quite like this. Anyone know what the positions are? If I recall correctly, Mia had the same card,  the ten of cups, in the same position in her read.

Anyway, that was fun.

Airport Light Display

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Airport Light Display

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